Grow Yourself! (so you can take control of your life)

Ok, so we’ve made our New Years’ resolutions and it’s now the end of February. Most of us want to improve our lives—by improving ourselves, our health, physical and emotional, our relationships, and our effectiveness in life. We know what we “should” be doing, but…

Making changes in our lives– changing routines, habits, and overcoming dysfunctional patterns— all involve learning to think differently. In doing so we can become more efficient and effective, more focused and deliberate; healthier both physically and emotionally.

Why do we put off what we know is best for our body physically and emotionally? The things that we know would help us function more effectively?
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Synergies in Treatment

A series of articles written by Dr. Gelbart for the Northern California Psychiatric Society Newsletter. These articles are a bit more “technical” than others on this blog, but they can help anyone interested in how mindfulness, positive psychology, Wellness approach, and skills training can help with self-esteem, anxiety, depression, motivation, and other difficulties. It may help you in choosing a therapist, and/or bring up questions for discussion with your therapist or friends.

  1. Introduction
  2. Judgmental Thinking
  3. Mindfulness and Psychiatric Treatment
  4. Teaching The Patient To Swim
  5. Focusting On The Positive
  6. Changing The Shoulds To Wants
  7. Mindfulness Psychotherapy And The Brain
  8. Which Tool When

Part VI: Developing Integrity

Values and Priorities

“There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving and that is your own self.”

Aldous Huxley

Do you have values? What are your values? If you have a choice between sticking to your values, or pleasing someone else, which do you choose? Which is more important for you, being accepted, or doing what you believe is right? Examples of values which you might believe in would be honesty, independence, compassion, treating others with respect, living by The Golden Rule, trying not to hurt others, and contributing to society and the world. Make your own list. It has to be your own, not mine, not your mother’s or father’s. It doesn’t mean that we’ll be perfect at it, but it becomes a guideline or template for our action choices. When you think about PAEJO, “what outcome do I want?,” your values will be an important guideline. You can’t control if other people will like you. But you can control your choice of actions, through mindfulness, being present, being aware of your doubts, fears, and judgements from childhood, and choosing actions which fit your values.

Many people live life by the Reverse Golden Rule, (“RGR”). We often see the world as “dog-eat-dog,” everyone out for themselves. So the belief is “people will treat me selfishly” and the RGR goes “Treat other people the way you expect them to treat you. This is also known as the “screw-’em” rule.

You can choose for yourself, and you can choose what you value in others. I have found that the “Golden Rule” rather than the RGR has brought me better relationships, and friends who similarly respect my feelings.

One of the important ways that The Potent Mind works is by helping you create a new space inside. When you start to let go of your judgments, and your fears of other people’s judgments, it will leave you with some emptiness. When you consider your values, your needs, your strengths and weaknesses, and what gets your juices flowing, you will begin to imagine new possibilities for your life. Follow your passions. Develop your values. Build your character traits. Use your strengths. Face your weaknesses and shore them up, with help where needed.

We’re a work in progress.

Here are some character traits and values that I have put together. You may not agree with all of them– you have to work out your own. We’ll never live up to all of them all the time but they are goals we set that can guide our choices of action.

Mind Gem #6: Determine your values and priorities and use these as your guides for action. Determine the character traits you value and develop them in yourself.